How can I teach my kids to be kind to
each other and to themselves? How can I teach them to be confident,
inquisitive, happy children? Children that will gradually grow into
young adults and then, unbelievably, adults.
As far as body image and beauty are concerned, I tend to focus on my daughter; I understand a
woman's point of view and all that it covers. Also because it's hard to argue with the fact that there is a more
intense, incessant stream of unrealistic images depicting what girls,
young women, and adult women should look like.
Currently, at age 3, my daughter
appears to think of her looks very little. She's blissfully unaware
of the oiled, tanned bodies that lurk behind the glossy magazine
covers and the scantily-clad women depicted as enviable on the
screen. She prefers to wear her favorite polka dot shirt and
orange-striped pants-- it appears that to her, clothes must simply be
comfortable and colorful. She wants her hair out of her face; a
barrette I place in her hair each morning takes care of that.
When will things shift? When will she
begin to wonder if she's pretty? When will she wonder if she's thin
or curvy or sexy enough? When will she learn that our culture places
disproportional value and importance on women's looks? I hold my
breath, I thinking of those moments. Of her wheels turning, urging a
second or third glance in the mirror.
What can I do as her mother to help her
navigate a world that places such a high value on female perfection?
Because regardless of what I'm up against, I will continue to protect
her the best that I can.
Though I have few perfect solutions, I
make attempts.
I make a conscious effort to focus on
her accomplishments, her talents, and her interests more than her
physical beauty. She loves painting, soccer, horses, and people. I
encourage those passions. I praise those interests.
I don't make negative comments about
myself in front of her. My daughter doesn't need to hear her mother
complain about her her burgeoning wrinkles-- is there a more horrible
expression than “crow's feet” anyway?-- or whatever else is
nagging at my psyche at the moment. Come to think of it, I don't need
to hear it either.
I take other measures too, some less
conventional.
I admit to censoring “fat” and
“thin” from children's books. Why incorporate such loaded words
into her developing vocabulary? How do you define thin and fat to a
toddler?
Gird your loins Disney fans, but we
aren't pushing her into the whole Princess Thing either. I can hardly
make myself read the endings to those saccharine stories where every
single time a prince comes and saves the desperate princess with
a kiss. I would rather buy a Minion or Paw Patrol character over a
Cinderella figurine any day.
I want my daughter to keep exploring, learning, and growing.
I don't buy Barbies. I protect her from
that aisle at the store, taking the long way to avoid the rows and
rows of impossible-looking dolls. No, I don't think Barbie is the
Devil. I don't even think the media is exclusively to blame for
eating disorders and body image concerns. But
I certainly don't think they help the matter.
I do think my daughter is beautiful--
all pink cheeks, soft little hands, and clear, bright eyes. I hope
that every mother sees her children as beautiful. I don't think
there's anything inherently harmful in thinking our daughters are
pretty. I like to feel good about my appearance too; I love a cute
new dress and bright raspberry lipstick, and I won't deprive her of
the fun of clothes and make-up as she gets older.
The point is this: beauty is not all
we are. My daughter's appearance does not make her the spirited,
energetic, creative person that she is. I refuse to let it define
her, and you can be sure as hell I'm trying to shield her from anyone
or anything that implies the opposite.
What are you protecting your child from in this crazy, mixed-up modern world? Or are you of the notion that we cannot ever truly protect them so we shouldn't try?
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