Thursday, May 17, 2018

Late Spring Means All the Feels

Just about any mother will tell you there are countless bittersweet moments that arise from the very beginning of parenthood.

For me, many of these feelings are especially powerful in late spring, a time when certain events/patterns/routines come to an end, and new beginnings are on the horizon.

In the next week, my daughter-- my baby-- will graduate from preschool. If you've been reading my blog since the early days, surely this shocks you as much as it does me. This is my second baby, who was born September 12, 2012. That makes her 5.5. (Yes, she missed our kindergarten cut-off by 11 days!).

Recently, I've been feeling myself tear up when a certain nostalgic song plays on the radio or when I'm dropping her off and picking her up from school. 

We drive by her future kindergarten and part of me is excited for this new chapter, I'll admit. For the first time in over 8 years, my days will be my own again. I'm excited to get back into the classroom again more, devote more time to writing and tutoring, take care of our pets and our house, and even indulge in a little self-care now and then.

But mixed into that excitement is a sense of loss. I'm sad this chapter of our life-- little feet in velcro shoes scrambling to get ready for preschool after her big brother gets on the bus, attending every one of those crazy and adorable preschool Christmas concerts, even just time spent lying around on the couch together in the afternoons...all those little things we shared for the last few years will be over.

I hope she'll still say "I love you" as heartfelt and as fervently as she does every morning now when I drop her off. Though I know surely these profusions of emotions will fade as she gets older. I wonder if she'll remember all the time we spent together, just the two of us while her brother was in school, doing simple everyday things-- eating English muffin pizzas for lunch, kicking an old soccer ball in the yard, making dozens and dozens of cookies, or just running to the grocery and convincing her not to dump every bag of Nestle chocolate chips into our cart.

What an overwhelming sense of gratitude and grief these transitions bring us. What's your next chapter going to bring?

~Julia @ Frantic Mama