Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Growing up


If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll know that I haven't had the easiest time with my son. He recently turned 7, which I both can and can't believe.

I've written about his high sensitivity before. It's hard to put a finger on the challenges I've faced with him since he was a baby. He was a beautiful baby, and I was so thrilled to have him, but very soon after birth I noticed that his disposition was 'harder' than other babies. He cried and fussed more; he was not happy-go-lucky. As a toddler, he was the 'hardest' in any playgroup, and then in preschool he continued to be challenging, often getting into issues with other children or acting out with the teachers.

It is impossible to sum him up with a few words. He has a hidden old-soul sweet and sensitive side, and a hilarious sense of humor. He has also always been easily overstimulated and overwhelmed, and that's when negative behaviors occur (yelling, hitting, outbursts). You might say he's quirky, to put things lightly.

As a very little boy, he didn't get along easily with other children at the park. His social struggles have made me sad countless times, and I know he isn't unaware of his challenges. Though, with time, he has made some friends. I am so happy for him.

I'm sure he could see the differences between himself and the easygoing kid at the park who easily blends in with other children (like his sister). He still cries and angers easily, to the point where I can lose my patience and question every decision I ever make, but that's also dissipating somewhat.

When my little guy started kindergarten, to say I was nervous would be an understatement. How on earth would he be okay away from home for 8 hours a day? Here's the silver lining: my son had a great 1st year of school.

His experienced kindergarten teacher seemed to understand him almost immediately. She quickly recognized his intelligence as well as his challenging [often obsessive] need for perfection. She easily grasped that he loves a challenge and loves working hard and learning new things, but that he also has a low tolerance for frustration and for other kids picking at him.

Here's what I learned from his teacher: she didn't expect him to be perfect socially. What I think she recognized early on that I'm just beginning to accept is this: you can't be perfect-- or even good-- at everything. Everything can't be easy for you.

She focused on his talents rather than his struggles. She was excited about his abilities. He had another great 1st grade experience. He made a few good friends. He laughed more. He enjoyed his sports and even went to some birthday parties. School has suited him.

When we have those hard, patience-testing moments, I'm trying to remember this: No one is perfect at everything. No one is even good at everything. This should be my mantra-- for both of us.

When my son triumphantly arrived home after finishing his last day of kindergarten, and again after his first and last day of 1st grade, smiling and proud, I felt proud of him too.

In those brief moments, I feel myself letting go of the constant worry, the wondering if he will be "okay," because while he may never be like the vast majority of his peers, he is special the way he is. I'm a better person because of him.

I'm excited to see what my bright, challenging boy will discover and accomplish in his life, and what will emerge from his unique brain. I hope I'll be the mother he deserves to support him and embrace him as he grows.

~Julia @ Frantic Mama


No comments:

Post a Comment

I love hearing from you, and I always try to respond, so be sure to check back.