Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Off to Kindergarten

It has finally happened. It has been five years since I brought my first baby into the world, and off to kindergarten he goes.

No, the time didn't fly by. No, I haven't cherished every second of Motherhood. But, wow, I feel his absence in every way.

Whether for the best or not, I have devoted the last five years to him; my days have revolved around caring for his little self. Was I looking forward to the break that school would provide? The small bits of alone time I could enjoy when my daughter, his younger sister, naps or goes to preschool? Yes! [I even published an essay about it, here].

Still, I couldn't have predicted just how... empty I would feel as that little yellow bus pulled away this morning, carrying my heart inside. Even though I still have my daughter at home, things feel different around here.





All day, I've been glancing at the clock, trying to keep busy but wondering what my son is doing right then. How he is doing. If he is happy or sad. If he misses me or if he is having fun in his new surroundings. If he is tired or hungry, or any other mixture of feelings that are now second nature to me. More than anything, I hope he comes home happy and full of excitement.

He has never been away from home for more than a couple of hours, and so I can't believe this is the new normal. That tomorrow, we will do it all again...and again.

How about you? Have your children started school? How was the transition for both of you?

~Julia @ Frantic Mama

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10 comments:

  1. I feel you Julia. I know it is a far lesser degree, but I was in a total funk about preschool. I feel like forever we are tied to this schedule now. What if they are sad there and no one is there to take care of them etc... I k ow it is just a normal part of growing up, but it is so happy/sad.

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    1. YES, so happy/sad! I was just explaining to someone how many bittersweet moments we experience as mothers. I am proud and excited when my children succeed at something new, but also a little sad because it usually means the end of one era (and the beginning of another). I feel the butterflies all over again today as I'm trying to picture my son making it through his second full day as a kindergartner!

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  2. Oh yes, I so feel this. I'm really struggling like feeling this educational choice was the right one (despite the overwhelming evidence that I. Need. A. Break.) and trying to figure out the line between helicopter mom and "let them grow up and have some independence." Case in point: Munchkin has come home twice with injuries - scraped up elbows and a red bruise on his cheek - and I've had to quiz him to figure out what happened. Both of them appear to be caused by another student. I certainly don't expect an incident report to get filled out, but maybe just a "hey, this happened" at pick up? Or a note sent home?

    And yes, I keep feeling like the "new normal" is all going to be snatched away in a minute!

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    1. Hmmm, I thought I wrote back to your comment, but it isn't showing up... Anyway, thank you for sharing! It is SO hard to not know what goes on when they are away from us all day, isn't it? I'm surprised no one mentioned him getting hurt on the playground-- is your son someone who would keep that quiet or would he have told a teacher about any issues? Also, try to remember (b/c I'm sure trying too!), you are making the best decisions for your family that you know how, and that is all we can do, right?!

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  3. Oh my, I can't imagine the day without my babies. I hope you managed ok. Were there tears? What a strange feeling it must be! I had my first full day away from both last weekend and it was the strangest feeling. I had my hair out and it didn't get pulled. LOL I loved just taking care of myself but when I returned home I loved the hugs, snuggles and kisses I received. I can't wait to hear how it all went!

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    1. Good for you for taking some time for yourself. It can be so hard to make that happen! However, it always seems worth it to me for what you mentioned-- being excited to come home again, refreshed and ready to be Mommy again :). And yes, it is so weird to have my son away all day! We are on Day 3 and I'm definitely not used to it yet.

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  4. Maybe you could initiate a talk with the teacher? In the first few weeks of school,I have found teachers to be under a lot of stress too.It is always good to let her know your concerns. A slight mention with a smile.It works.I became a nervous wreck over such an issue in front of my kid and he refused to go to school!! It took us a whole week of gentle pushing to get him to go back.So it is always best to encourage your child even when you are all
    bruised inside. And to explain how some kids are not nice.Oh! this is a tough time.My little big one is a third grader now and not 'tough' like most boys in his class. He is sensitive and doesn't like rough play at all.We are having to teach him how to stay away from troublemakers-kids who can't seem to keep their hands to themselves.On and off things still happen,like on the way to the skating lesson or the gym but he is learning to defend himself. He knows and understands that he MUST always say at home.If I say it is very hard to send our little ones out into the world,it doesn't do much to describe what our hearts feel.But that we love them and worry about them and stand by them in this adventure ,it is just about enough to keep their little hearts safe and our own frail hearts beating.

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    1. Oh no, Swati! I fear my son might be one of the ones who can't always keep his hands to himself. No matter how much I try to explain that some kids need their space, he just doesn't always give it to them. Sigh... so hard for all of us, I think, when we start a new chapter in our lives! Yes, I have parent night tonight, so I think I'll take your advice and mention any little worries to the teacher if I have a chance :). It is Day 3 of school and it still feels so strange!!

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    2. I wish I could cheer you up!!! Trust your little one and your own voice inside.Your wee one will surprise you. Oh! I didn't want to make you more worried than you are.A secret - my son never ever ever stops talking at home but his teacher thinks him really quiet! Another- He wouldn't do his homework no matter how much I explained why he must or however I bribed but always finishes lessons at school!! They always do surprise us,Julia. We hardly get to see their best at home, but you will hear! I hope you feel better soon.

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    3. Thank you, Swati. No, you didn't make me worry. If anything, it feels wonderful to get support from other mothers from around the globe. Thank you!!

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